Last year, I decided to tackle a fear of mine, the fear of asking for charitable donations. After three decades of supporting charities, I felt it was time to break through this fear. For me, this irrational fear was based on the following:

1) Being rejected.
2) Annoying the potential donor.
3) Sounding like a stereotypical used car salesman with high pressure tactics. I do apologize to great used car sales people.
4) Asking someone who could not afford a donation and embarrassing them.
5) Friends avoiding me because I am always asking for donations.
6) Setting up a quid pro quo expectation to give to their meaningful charity.

In full disclosure, I have read books and attended seminars on sales for both for profit and non-profit companies. I have worked with and even mentored great salespeople in both sectors. With all of this experience, my fear still prevented me from actually doing the work to become a successful fundraiser. Even stranger, I have a few friends who are excellent at asking for donations for their favorite charities. I have a ton of respect for them and would be proud to be like them. Yet, my fear still ruled me.

The Tariq Khamisa Foundation (TKF) is one of my favorite non-profit organizations. I have proudly worked with TKF for over ten years. Their vision is to create “a world free of youth violence.” The founder’s 20-year-old son was murdered by a 14-year-old boy. The founder realized that “there were victims at both ends of the gun” and created TKF as a solution to end youth violence. This organization does important and impactful work, so I was motivated to conquer my fear and help TKF and the kids we serve at the same time.

TKF created an email campaign that was based on a request for one dollar. The idea was to inspire one million people to each donate one dollar to TKF. However, a few months after the campaign started, TKF had less than one hundred donations, though one donation was for $25,000. That donation said a lot about what could happen when you ask someone for a dollar.

On the day I started my campaign, I had 1,117 contacts in my email list. I crafted a generic email with the help of a TKF board member who was the best at marketing. She and I drafted an email containing both a logical and emotional reason to give. I decided to personalize each email with a few sentences that made it clear to the recipient that I was speaking directly to them. The thought of personalization made my fear grow because the fear of reject would be more real for me. However, I believe that the path that produces the most fear is often the best path to take, so I continued with my effort.

I started with the A’s in my contact list and disaster struck immediately. My first contact was a fellow partner in San Diego Social Venture Partners (SDSVP) and there is an unwritten rule that partners are not supposed to ask each other for donations to their specific causes. I labored over this dilemma for literally days. I began rationalizing that fundraising was not for me and this was a sign from God that I was not supposed to do this work. As I looked through my contact list, there were hundreds of contacts that I had some rationale as to why I would not ask them for money. Clearly, this task was too difficult for me.

However, the quiet and persistent voice in the back of my head told me to press on. So, I looked at my contact list with a different perspective. I looked for contacts who I would feel comfortable asking for a donation. Much to my surprise, the majority of the people on the list were perfect for my ask. I was only asking for a dollar and that would probably not anger them. I skipped the second name on my list as I was courting her for SDSVP and did not want to court her for two charities. I went for the brass ring on the third name. I wrote her a nice couple of personal connection sentences, pasted in the generic ask and sent the email off. I was exhausted by the process, so I quit for the day.

Miracle of all miracles, this absolutely wonderful lady responded five days later with a $25 donation! I was beyond excited. I sent off a grateful thank you note and a few more requests for the one dollar donation. More money came in and, lo and behold, not a single person sent me a nasty email as my unrealistic fear had predicted. In fact, I received some incredibly nice responses about TKF and my efforts. I was actually getting energized by my work. Honestly, I was still mentally exhausted from my fear, but I was really excited every time I checked my email for donation notifications.

Over the course of a year, I asked 671 out of my 1,117 original contacts for a dollar. I decided to not ask 446 contacts for a few reasons. As I said before, anyone associated with SDSVP was a no ask. Some contacts I did not know well enough to personalize an email, and others I felt would be inappropriate due to my close relationship with them. On my best days, I made ten asks. At times, I went weeks in between asks and even took a break from November to January in order to not compete with year-end asks from other charities.

There were many highlights from my involvement in this campaign effort. I reconnected with old friends and they were as grateful as I was. One man gave me money even though I had only seen him twice a few years back. A few donations came in from friends who were unemployed. They were grateful to contribute even though money was tight. One person donated five months after receiving my email. He was a salesperson in a slump, but he donated when things brightened up for him. One donation came from a former coach of mine who I had not had contact with for eight years.

All in all, a third of the emails I sent resulted in a donation. Twenty-two donations came from friends of my contacts and the average gift size was $71.52. I raised just over $16,000 for TKF. Twelve donations were for a dollar and five donations were for $500. One of the $500 donations came from someone I did not even know. All of the donations were exciting to receive and they inspired me to send out more requests.

Interestingly after getting through 80% of my contact list, my views of asking changed from feeling bad to feeling obliged. I started to realize that the recipient is an adult and has the right to choose. Without my ask, I would have denied people the opportunity to decide for themselves due to my fearful assumptions. I was always kind and sincere in my ask, so why should I feel bad? When I get asked and the ask is sincere and not too frequent, I appreciate it. I am capable of saying yes or no to an ask, so I now assume the people I ask are also capable.

Overall, I am grateful for all of the donations that were generated for TKF and opportunity to break through my fear. The fear is not gone, but it no longer rules me. TKF’s email campaign was a great first step and there are more steps for me to take, specifically with asking for donations face-to-face and over the phone. TKF needs my help and there are other great charities out there that need your help. Are you ready to take a step to break through your fears?

I have another friend Karen who has been working with government, foundations and non-profits to create a more comprehensive solution to work with the homeless. I asked her if there was any place in San Diego who might take Ron and help him. She suggested Veteran’s Village. So I asked Ron last Monday if he would be willing to go with me to Veteran’s Village to see if they could help him get off the streets. He said, “Yes, I don’t want to die on the streets.”

Last Friday, I asked Ron if he was ready to go. He said, “No, I have a cold.” I told him I was sorry he was not feeling well and that I would come back next week to take him to Veteran’s Village. Knowing Ron, he will have an excuse each week I ask him. I will challenge Ron after three or four weeks. I will ask him if he wants help himself or if wants to die on the streets. That will be an interesting conversation as he is a smart guy and he will know not to feed me a line of excuses.

I often think of my homeless friend Ron who I befriended in 2009 during my Homeless Project. Coincidentally, I saw Ron the day after my friend posted the above comment. Coincidentally, I had some extra time, so I stopped to talk. He recognized me and simply said, “I need to get off the streets.” This is something that he repeated all the time a few years back and I would challenge him on it. I would challenge him to go to a shelter for help. He knows he is an alcoholic. He knows he has options to get off the street. He believes the alcoholic addiction is too great of an obstacle. This time, instead of challenging him I simply responded with, “It must be hard.” I said it with a great deal of love and sadness in my heart. A tear immediately fell down his right cheek. Yes, the homeless are real people.

Father Greg has been working with gang members in the LA area since the late 1980′s. His book is filled with many inspirational and heart wrenching stories about his work these kids. For me, Father Greg’s statement “kids I love killing kids I love” is the most poignant in the book. Think about these seven words. First of all, kids should not be killed. Second of all, kids should not be killers. And finally, should we not follow Father Greg’s example and love all kids. The kids who end up killing were not born killers. They were born pure and innocent. They were taught day by day, incident by incident, beating by beating that violence was an the answer to their problems. There were taught to be killers.

Father Greg makes is very clear that he loves all the kids in the neighborhood including the some 150,000 gang members. He does not limit his love as it is unconditional. He believes in consequences. Killing needs to be punished, but love should transcend all.

The experts say that kids join gangs for protection, love and respect. Given the violence that gang members inflict on rival gang members, protection is not possible. The violence is constant and gut wrenching. There is no protection. As for the love and respect, Father Greg shows a kind love and respect for the gang members that is so much more powerful than anything coming from gangs. These kids crave the love and respect they have never received from their mother and father let alone any responsible adult. They are seduced by the false community found in gangs. Father Greg believes in the kids and sees the good in them. This is truly what the kids crave, the acknowledgment by adults of the good in them. In reading the passages of this book, I was struck over and over again by this amazing power.

If you are looking for inspiration, if you believe that all kids deserve to be loved and respected, check out “Tattoos on the Heart.”

P.S. Thanks Annie V. for giving me this book.

Coincidentally, at San Diego Social Venture Partners (SDSVP) we have just begun a process of outcome planning where imagining a bold dream for the future is part of the process. I am so very excited that in the next few months, we will have settled on a dream for SDSVP’s future. We will be more than a great organization that cultivates philanthropists and helps San Diego non-profits. We will be an organization that has a dream so big and so bold that we fundamentally improve the San Diego region. We will have a dream so big and so bold that philanthropists from around the world will look to SDSVP and San Diego for their inspiration. We will have a dream so big and so bold that we will attract the best, the brightest and most importantly, the most caring people to help achieve this dream.

What are your dreams? What should SDSVP dream of accomplishing? What do you want to accomplish? I hope something really BIG!

I have been meaning to summarize my thoughts on the homeless project since Dec 31st. After the year ended, it was strange for me not to have a $20 in my pocket at all times just in case I came upon a homeless person who I think would be interesting to talk to. I am saddened by the plight of the homeless. My views of the homeless have changed from a year ago and they also changed during the year long project. My conclusions follow.

I ended the year with $540 I did not give away. My goal was to give away $20 per week if an only if I could have a conversation with the recipient. So over the course of the year, I had twenty five conversations with the homeless. The homeless I spoke to had the following profile. They all live in La Jolla, California, an affluent area in San Diego County. They are the chronic homeless, men and women, and fifty years old or more. They are generally alcoholics. Some are mentally unstable, but stable enough that I did not feel threatened. They are nice, polite and gracious. They are filthy, weathered and wear pitiful clothes. They smell like alcohol at times. At other times, they smell nauseating.

And of course, they are real people. They are our brothers and sisters, our nephews and nieces. They are our moms and dads, our aunts and uncles. They are our children. They are our neighbors. They laugh. They cry. They bleed. They die. They are you and me.

Over the year as people have followed this project, some have told me that the homeless don’t deserve compassion or help. They tell me that the homeless are lazy. They are drunks and drug addicts. They tell me that to help a lazy drunk drug addict only perpetuates that lifestyle. I can certainly understand that point of view. Clearly there are many homeless who are alcoholics and drug addicts and some forms of help do perpetuate their lifestyle. However, what I found in my year long project is that these chronic homeless, these substance abusers are real people with life stories. So to not help them in inhumane. Please note here that there are many categories of homeless and I am dealing with just one category, the chronic homeless and substance abuser. An often misunderstood category are the homeless who just can’t afford rent for a few months and are evicted. These are often families.

Back to the chronic, substance abuse category, where we are faced with a dilemma. Help them and potentially perpetuate their behavior or don’t help them and loose a bit of our humanity.

How do we show our humanity and help them? I believe the best way is to support homeless is to support the charities that serve them. The homeless need professional help. They need medical attention, substance abuse counseling, job training, food, shelter, legal help and countless other services. If you are in San Diego, I would suggest you donate money to Community Resource Center or Corporation for Supportive Housing. San Diego Social Venture Partners (SDSVP) has vetted and supported both these non-profits. SDSVP considers them top notch organizations that help the homeless. Since I am Chairman of the Board of SDSVP, I decided to give my extra $540 to SDSVP. I like leveraging my charity donations and SDSVP has leveraged my gift for help for the homeless.

I would suggest two other things we can do for the homeless. If you feel safe, say hello to a homeless person. Again, if you feel safe, engage in a conversation. Ask them where they were born. Ask them what their favorite food is. Ask them about their family or where they went to high school. Help them feel like a human being. Be their friend just for the moment. That does not perpetuate an addictive behavior. That perpetuates love and kindness.

1) If you are worried about an action that has to be taken, you have already waited too long so do it now.
2) Partnerships are tough. Consider owning the business yourself.
3) Tragedy happens. Grieve and move on.
4) Passion for business and life comes and goes. If you are down, you will be up again.
5) Do not forget to work on yourself. Though fixing yourself is hard work, it makes fixing the business easier.

1 – Congress and the President encourage expanded home ownership via the Community Reinvestment Act
2 – Banks are pressured by government to make loans to many people who can’t afford homes
3 – Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac buy these risky loans
4 – Wall Street firms then buy the risky loans in huge deals and repackage them into investment opportunities
5 – Rating companies rate these new opportunities as a good investment
6 – Insurance companies insure these new opportunities
7 – Wall Street firms sell these repackaged risky loans as good investments
8 – Housing prices collapse, banks foreclose on homes, the repackaged risky loan investments go south and the economy has a meltdown
9 – Congress and the President borrow money by selling Treasury bonds to bailout Wall Street and insurance companies
10 – Congress and the President chastise Wall Street and the insurance companies for the meltdown and unscrupulous practices

In each of the first 7 steps, there was an opportunity to avert the meltdown.

1 – Congress and the President should not have pressured banks to make loans to people who could not afford them
2 -Banks should not have made the loans and people should not have borrowed money
3 – Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac should not have bought these risky loans from the banks
4 – Wall Street should not have bought these loans from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac
5 – The rating companies should have rated them as risky
6 – Insurance companies should not have insured them
7 – Wall Street should not have sold the risky loans

The economic meltdown would not have occurred if ANYONE in the 7 steps had refused to participate in this debacle! That would have broken the chain, broken the process.

This week the culprit in step 1 (our government) is grilling the culprit in step 7 (Wall Street). Certainly Wall Street deserves to be grilled. Certainly Wall Street should apologize. Certainly some changes are necessary in enforcement of current regulations or some new regulations need to be enacted.

But who grills the government? We do. We the people. We the voters. We grill the government and then decide if they should be elected again. I was always taught if you want to fix a problem start at the source and follow the process. Let’s not forget to start at the beginning.

Wouldn’t it be great if the leaders of our government apologized for their role in this debacle? I might even vote for someone who has the guts to apologize.

I gave a cell phone to a local homeless guy who I have been helping for the past year. He had asked if he could borrow my cell phone to make a call. I put 60 minutes of time on his new cell phone. Wonder how it will affect his life? I also had to go back to the store to buy him reading glasses as the print was too small for him and me to read the directions on how to get the phone initialized.

Later that night, a friend of mine sent me an email that follows. I am glad others are evaluating their views as I am evaluating mine. There is the email:

Hi Mark,

I thought you should know that your continuous posts about your homeless friend has significantly impacted my view of the homeless.

A few years back I had had a number of negative run-ins over a short period of time with homeless people, usually involving them yelling things at me and my wife as we walked by or watching them behave in a confrontational way with other strangers. I also read a few articles about issues with homeless people, with one particularly horrific story about a guy, father of 2 young kids, who had just yelled at a homeless guy for peeing on his neighbor’s garage and was subsequently stabbed to death. I found myself loathing anyone homeless I came across. It was not a good feeling. I started losing all sympathy and pity and just felt hate.

I’ve seen your posts about your homeless friend and how worried you were for a time when he disappeared. It got me thinking. Here is a man whom I look up to and respect. A man who has so many blessings in his life, two boys of his own to worry about, TKF, Vistage, etc., and the number one thing on his mind (or significant enough to post about) for days was the well-being of a homeless guy. That struck me as significant and it got me thinking. I could use about 30 pages explaining the many trains of thought I went through. I’ll summarize by saying that the conclusion I came to was rather than dwell on the negative impact of homelessness, I would be better off using my brain power to figure out some sort of solution that helps all involved. The basic question I asked my self was why isn’t there more help for homeless people in this country? And why does most of the help come from Churches and the like? The answer I came up with is there’s no money in it. There are a lot of causes that can have a residual payday, whether it be in hard currency or political clout or the like, but the financial investment required to make a dramatic impact on homelessness is huge with no payoff. So I began thinking of how one would attract investors/philanthropists. How do you make getting homeless people off the street profitable, or at least sustainable? I first thought about the people themselves (the obvious starting place). Who are they? What can they do? How did they become homeless in the first place? I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that a majority of homeless people have some sort of mental illness. Not that they’re all crazy, but something. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll include drug and alcohol addiction in this category. What do people with mental health/addictions need to become productive members of society again? Medical care. Medical care costs money. A place to live. Places to live usually cost money. A job. Usually used to make money, but if they are too sick or destitute or whatever else to work, it makes the rest difficult.

The conclusion I came to was creating some sort of working camp/hospital. There would need to be three basic principals to it. Participates would need safe, secure housing. They would need proper medical care. And there would have to be some sort of occupation for them either on site or close by that would involve creating an actual, marketable product that can generate enough revenue to sustain the camp and all of its resources. I know that’s a tall order. And probably naive in several ways, but my central theme to all of this is that it was your posts and the impact they had on me that have helped me re-evaluate how I view that particular part of society. I no longer feel contempt or disgust when I encounter someone who is homeless. And for that, I thank you!

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Dear Trustees of TKF:

As Principal of Correia Middle School (CMS) a comprehensive middle school for 7th – 8th graders in one of our nation’s largest urban districts, I have an opportunity to interact daily with youngsters between the ages of 11-14 years of age. According to many expert opinions, this stage of life is one of the most challenging. In fact, I have yet to meet any adult who would choose to relive this “coming of age” chapter in their life. For this single reason, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work all of you do on behalf of everyone – young or old. On January 13, 2010, the Tariq Khamisa Foundation (TKF) brought their “Violence Impact Forum” program to CMS. Over 830 young adolescents, their teachers, counselors, and administrators listened with the utmost respect to the powerful messages delivered by Azim Khamisa, Ples Felix, and other panelists from the program. It is with extreme gratitude that I communicate with you the impact that the TKF had upon lives that day alone at CMS.

One day earlier, two of our students bullied and punched another student. Their motive remains unclear to any of the students, which is not altogether unusual at this age. Power and dominance over others equates to respect and survival for some. My Vice-Principals and I were outraged at this act of violence, and left the campus on the evening of January 12th with heavy hearts. The next morning, we met with the assailants and issued consequences, including: suspension, letters of apology, and verbal public apologies to peers. However, our attention was also drawn to the panelists from TKF who were arriving on campus. I hurried over to our library to greet the panelists, including our own student ambassadors, and momentarily forgot about the violent act that had taken place less than 24 hours on my own campus. Mr. Ples Felix’s genuine warmth and sincerity filled the room, and although moments earlier I had been troubled, I suddenly felt calm. Once I knew that our guests had the refreshments we’d ordered, I returned to the office to resume my interactions with our two assailants.

I do not want to downplay what took place next. Whatever happened in the brief moments I had spent in the presence of the TKF members allowed me to think more clearly about how to support, rather than to simply punish, the two adolescents who had hurt another adolescent. It became crystal clear to me that these two youngsters needed to hear the messages about to be delivered by the members of the “Violence Impact Forum.” Know that I had never attended any programs sponsored by TKF; I was simply responding to the calm feeling I had received moments earlier while in the presence of a few of the panelists. Therefore, much to the surprise of both boys, I told them they would be attending the assembly. Their assignment was to take notes in order to write a reflective response, which I would personally read.

Both boys were seated in the back of the auditorium, seats and rows apart from one another and their classmates. They were the only students mandated to take notes, so they had paper and pencils in hand. Once the presentation started, I was so focused on the speakers that I didn’t turn to check on “my boys” until almost mid-way through the program. As I approached each of them to check on their progress, their countenance gave me my first clue that something was taking hold within their hearts. Their previously tough demeanor was replaced by an innocent and childlike expression. Instead of asking them for evidence that they were taking notes, each boy quietly held out his notebook, and I saw clearly that their eyes were moist with tears. I respectfully thanked them for their attentiveness and quietly returned my attention to the presentation.

Once back from the presentation, a guest presenter, Jesus Gonzalez, Jr., a former gang member who survived a violent gang attack, came to the office to meet with both boys. They held a private 45-minute session behind closed doors, and it’s clear that Mr. Gonzalez left the boys with contact information should they need/want to call upon him for support. Jesus also met with me briefly, and I thanked him for the work he is doing.

Both boys wrote pages in response to the TKF presentation. They both admitted that their own anger had robbed them of their ability to think—a lesson they learned from the presentation. Now I know that my counselors and staff can build upon this one learned lesson and empower more and more youngsters to learn how to calm down and think before taking action.

On a personal note, at the end of the presentation, I had the opportunity to hug both Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix. Until January 13, 2010, we had never met. How is it that I feel so connected to both of them and to their son and grandson? As a foundation, that is the power of your energies—you are connecting complete strangers. You are connecting people who hold different religious beliefs, who have different skin color, and who don’t appear to have much in common, at all. Words elude me as to how to express my deepest appreciation and respect for the work you do. I also thank your sponsors and salute their wisdom to fund TKF.

I acknowledge that your salutations include: “In Peace,” and “With Kindest Regards of Peace.” You made a difference in at least two lives ( and I know many others) on January 13, 2010, and I THANK YOU for your work.

Putting Children First,

Patricia Ladd
Principal
Correia Middle School